Our Best Heartbreak Tips!

In today's episode, Katie + Lauryn give their best heartbreak tips! 

Transcript

0:07

Hello everybody. Hello, baby Girls. And boys and boys and maes and thems all of you bad bitches out there, all of you. Um, today we have an exciting episode. Now wait a. We went to Dallas. We went to Dallas for a book club. That was so fun. It was the cutest little girl's trip and we will be doing it again. Yeah, it was so fun. So we went to Kenzie Elizabeth's book club. Yep. And stayed at a hotel. Mm-hmm. and ate dinner like on their rooftop. Yep. And it was just a great time. Yeah. It was a really nice, just kind of turnaround. But we still got celebrities. There we were. I was like, oh, who would've thought being from O kc, I mean, our face was in the place. Oh, and the people were loving it. I mean, Let's be honest. We were one of the only people that talked. Oh, the mic? There was, yeah. Yeah. There was a handful of, she asked around actually talked and Yeah, it was like nobody wanted to talk. Nobody wanted to talk. Um, we will, we're used to the mic, honey. I know. This is, we just do this. This is what we do. This is what we, so, so, yeah. So it was really fun. And we are gonna be reading the Feb. Have you started the February book? No, because remember we're gonna wait until closer. to like the time of book club to do it. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it was hard to remember and we read it. It was when we finished it two weeks before, like no, it was like a less than a week before. Yeah, you're right actually. And it was still hard. I think we hard we start it like a week before. Yeah. So we're gonna do it to where. We should be finishing the book like the day before, day before. Yeah, I agree. Yep. Because it was, it was hard to recall things. Yeah. And then when they were explaining the book out loud, I was like, wait, that happened? Wait, what rating did I give this book? Because Did you give it a four? I gave it a four. Yeah. And, and I, I stand by that. I'm glad I gave it a four. Do you know how I was reading that scary book? The book? The Butcher. The Butcher? Yeah. I did give it a five. It was really good, the ending. Oh, I'm glad you were able to finish. It was really good. I did. I finished it two nights ago. Good. I popped off, pop off. Honestly, it was a really fast read. Like whenever I was reading it, I could get like 20 to 25% in like a night. Yeah. Like. Insanely. I cannot read that fast ever. I'm glad you finished it. Cause I, I was like, Katie's probably about to miss out on a good book because she's scared to read it. No, it was scary. But I've been like really slow about my reading, but I've also been like, well, you know how, one of the different ways, I guess to, not diet necessarily, but the people try to eat is like intuitively Oh yeah. You're trying to do that with book intuitively read. Yeah, because I agree. Like not forcing yourself Haven't changed. Yeah. I haven't changed my goal, but. the book that it's still a hundred Daisy hates book. Mm-hmm that I'm reading. It's so big. Like that book is like 500 pages. That's a lot. So I'm like just trying to digest it like yeah. When I want to. So that way I'm not burnt out. That's what I do all the time. So I don't do that all the time. I am 30% into the simple wild You'll be proud of me. Oh my gosh. I'm really, really enjoying it. You're making me wanna reread it. Honestly, I'm really enjoyed it. It's so good. I'm glad you told me about it cuz I'm like, it's so good. I'm getting really giddy and it's like a slow burn and I'm telling you, character development is so good. I was about to say, honestly, it doesn't feel. Boring though. Exactly. Even for a slow burn, I'm like, wow, this is really interesting. That's a lot of people's problems with slow burns is Yeah. The progression they struggle with. Yeah. But I feel like if the writer knows and is like keeping that at the forefront of their minds as they're like writing, yeah. I think it's okay because the slow burn can be the best or the worst. There's no in between. Oh, a hundred percent agree. No in between. No in between. But that. I, yeah. Chest kiss. I love it. I am loving it so far. It's so cute. I'm just like getting a giddy makes me, it was hard cuz I was like reading the butcher and then I'd like flipped to that book and so I, yeah, I was flipping back and forth so now I can like fully devote my time and attention to the simple wild. So has she like gotten to like where she's staying? Yes. Okay. So this is where I'm at. Okay. I'm at the part where Jonah, that's his name, right? Yes. Just took her to the grocery store. Okay. And now, They're headed back. Yeah, but I mean, you bar you haven't even seen really the dad yet. Like they've barely spoken because he's working, he's out and about and this is Satay. Yeah. So their story really got me cuz I got daddy issues and it just whew. It, it touched your heart. It, yes. And it'll touch hers too. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I'm excited. Um, so today we're gonna be talking. Heartbreak and tips. Yep. Which we did talk about relationships, but I feel like at that point it was so close after my divorce, I didn't really talk a lot about like tips. Yeah. We need like an updated perspective to see what you got to say or like specific things to do. Yeah. And so I feel like that is something, um, but well, I don't know if I should ask you, ask you my question now or later. Okay. I feel like. And if you, do you want to talk about like your past breakups? Um, I mean, do you have any trick? Sure. Like, I would say I have, I think I have solid advice for like Okay. Getting over your first love. Ooh, yeah. Because it's crucial. Crucial. That's your first heartbreak. Mm-hmm. typically if, unless you're, you stayed with your first love, kudos to you. Yeah. But, um, getting over that I think is the most important one. Yeah. To get over mm-hmm. because usually this isn't the case for everybody, but typically it's when you're younger. Yeah. And if you're like how I was when I was younger, um, I thought like things just didn't get better. From there I was like, oh. I just didn't see any, anything but like him and the way I was feeling. I didn't think I'd ever get over those feelings. Um, you're so right that that is how it is, like Yeah. You kind of have a more broadened perspective now that you're older. Exactly. And then it's important. The reason why I also think it's very important, um, compared to like other heartbreaks is because. you're at such an impressionable age at that point. Yeah. And that person, your first love is the first person to make you feel these strong feelings. Yeah. In a romantic way towards someone. Um, and that can, that gives a lot, a lot of power to somebody else. Oh, a hundred percent. And, um, you can get caught in a cycle very easy. Mm-hmm. if you want to. Yeah. Whether that's. Being off, off again and on again for years I feel like happens so much. Especially in like happens a lot high school, college age. Well, I mean first love age, but yeah, but I mean, and it can happen like later in life too, and you can be in a cycle for forever and then you look up and you're like, wow. Mm-hmm. I've been so focused on like making something work that clearly isn't working with this one person. Mm-hmm. because the cycle will tell you that. Yeah. You keep getting caught in the same thing. Um, I have a question really quickly. What's that? This is kind of off topic what, but I've been seeing this a lot on TikTok. What do you, how do you feel about situation ships? That's a no for me, it's a no. That's, I've been in that before. It's Well, okay. You're, what you're saying on again and off again reminds me so much of a situation ship and like people always complaining about it on TikTok, like, this one girl spent like six years and I mean, the comments were just like roasting her. They said that they were like, did you say six years? But here's the theme though. But that's the reason why you can't look at someone's situation and judge and be like, Oh, I would never, yeah, because then the universe will be like, let me, yikes. Yeah. Okay. Let, let's see if you would never mm-hmm. because when you're in a situation, it's, it's so different. Different versus when you're out of it and you're looking back and you're like, they were roasted. I can't believe I really like stayed in that, but a lot of them were probably dealing with that kind of stuff too, so whatever. But a hundred percent it's, it's hard, especially if that person makes you feel good and no one's ever treated you that way before. Mm-hmm. you cannot judge. Yeah. I could have easily been in a situation like that, but luckily like, like what? High school, college, high school. College. Yeah. Yeah. And I think the best thing for sure is like your level of contact. I don't know what it is about some people feeling like they need to be friends with their exes and pop off whatever, but. I personally, I could never, I think certain situations can call for it if it's like mutual and like you have a very solid friend group and you're like, both of you are literally friends with all of these people. I feel like that's so hard. I feel like it's hard, but I think that's, maybe that's a little bit different. If I was friends with my ex, you'd see me singing the KBI song literally all, all the time. That's Mat mature. She's so mat mature. she's so mat mature. But I, I think it, I don't know. I, I think you. say like that's a hard no. Like you can never be friends with them. But I also think it would be very difficult bringing Well, I am saying it's a hard no movie. Well, for you, yeah. For you. Yeah. But for, yeah, it's not, it's situational. Um, yeah. Depending on the person. Uhhuh me personally, that's a no for me. Mm-hmm. I think moving on, part of that process is just like letting the person go, that person was a part of your life. Mm-hmm. and they're not anymore. Mm-hmm. And for your sanity moving forward and all that, you don't, you need to. Your person and be focused on that. What kind of tips do you have getting over maybe like a situation ship or just like your first love I would say. Like what did you do? Um, me, I didn't push to contact, like I clearly did not speak to someone that did not want to communicate with me. Yeah. That's the first thing, and that's hard. No contact is huge, but checking on people's social medias. Oh, quit checking up on people. Oh. I literally have a saying where I'm like, we do not self sabotage here. No. Like don't do it. That is absolutely self sabotaging. Yes. You know, it's gonna put you in a worse mood. Why do it? Yeah. So, No contact, no checking up on them. Mm-hmm. um, no asking like a friend of a friend that, you know, saw them like Wilson. How, how are they? How, how are they like, like what you know? Mm-hmm. none of that. Um, if they wanna talk about it, whatever, and they bring them up, that's fine. And then I would. Fill your feelings. Yeah, a hundred percent. Because it sucks. Oh, it's the worst pain. It's hard. Worst work. I would never, ever, ever, but that first one, man, I'm telling you, you have to, I don't know if my first one was that bad. Oh girl. That first one was. I moved on principally. Absolutely terrible. Absolutely terrible for me. Yeah. Um, but I mean, that's the main thing. And just live your life, like mm-hmm. just get up every day, handle your business. Yeah. And eventually one day you'll just realize, wow, I haven't thought about that situation in however long. Or, oh, I got a good night's sleep. Mm-hmm. and I didn't even think. That when I first woke up or whatever. So you just have to keep going. Yeah. You have to. You have to. Yep. Um, okay. Switching it up a bit. Okay. So as a friend of someone who has watched me go through divorce, what would you say for people out there who have friends in their lives that are going through something mm-hmm. like what do you feel like, um, like your role as a friend should be? Yeah, yeah. Just because I, I've also been in the role of a friend. like one of my closest friends went through a breakup last year. Mm-hmm. But like, what do you feel like helped? Or what like Yeah, just kind of what was your role? Walk me through it. Um, well, like what, what, or like what is advice that you would give somebody else? Like how can they be there for their friend? Yeah. Well, I think I have talked to you about this mm-hmm. and I think I said this pretty early on, like when you first told me that you were getting divorced mm-hmm. um, I had told you like, you know, it's okay if this is all that we talk about. Yeah. For a long time. Mm-hmm. there's no hard feelings on my end, like, you know, obviously like I also have a life in things that are going on. But yeah. You know, friendships aren't, and it's the same with like romantic relationships. Yeah. It's like the whole 50, we're gonna see like the 50 50. Yeah. Each person can't give their all, all the time. Yeah. That's a lot to ask of someone. Mm-hmm. that's also just trying to handle their business and go about Yeah. Life and do what they gotta do. So I think the first thing is just to be. I mean, you're gonna be beaten a dead horse, like a lot, like you're gonna be talking about this like, like you just are so friend and that's totally fine. Like it's no problem to me. Mm-hmm. because like you're processing Yeah. Things and the same situation that you're playing in your head. You're like, in the very beginning you felt this way about it and then like the further away you get from it, you're looking at it differently. Mm-hmm. like it's a process. So really just letting them. if they gotta talk about it, let them talk about it. Yeah. Um, I feel like we're just finally getting to the point, like Yeah. Recent situations aside. Yeah. I feel like we're finally getting to the point where I don't talk about it as much. No, not as much. Yeah. And I think as the friend, if, if you just kind of let it happen and don't try to force them to get over it faster, you'll even be like, like, wow. she's doing so well. Like, wow. Like they're doing, you know, they're really working on themselves. So that, um, being available for your friends. Yeah. At times they typically, like you wouldn't be maybe, um, I think like if they need you, like, just make sure that you're there and that you're listening and you're not trying to just give advice all the time. Yeah. That's a massive one. Like just. Listen, just be there unless they say, what do you think? Or what do you think I should do? Or, um, something that indicates that you can give advice. Yeah, just listen and, you know, leave it at that. Yeah. Um, and I think it's okay to set boundaries because honestly, I know how emotionally draining it can be. Yeah. To be in it. Yeah. And then also hear it from the other side. It can be very, it can be a lot. Yeah. Yeah. And so it's okay obviously to set boundaries. Yeah. But I do like what you said about just being available. Yeah. Um, because like if you were to ever go through something and maybe not even like breakup or whatever, but I. to be there for you in the same aspect you were there for you For sure, for sure. So yeah, the main things just, and like you said, it can be emotionally draining. Mm-hmm. Um, but I also think, I think younger me kind of dealt with that. Like it was more draining. But like as I've gotten older, like I'm a lot better separate, separating like my friend is going through this and not internalizing all of. Yeah. Like you're not going through it exactly. Like you're not going through it. Yeah. Like your friend is. Um, and so just my main thing is cuz people are incredibly selfish when it comes to friendships. Like, just let it be about them. Yeah. It's okay that like, you know, it's not a, a equal like situation. It's, it's okay. Yeah. Just let, let them do their thing. Mm-hmm. and. and hold them accountable for things too that they say that they're gonna do. Also do that. I would say do that. I love that. Yeah. Yeah, because it's like, okay, like, okay, like I'm going to do this or whatever. It's like, okay, that's what you said. Do it, so let's see you do it. You know? But the thing is, if they're still repeating the same things Yeah. After they said that, just let it go. It's okay. Yeah. Yeah. Don't beat them over the head about it, but I think you can still hold them accountable. I love that friend. That's what I would say. Yeah. You've been one of the biggest like supporters. I don't know if that's the right word. Yeah. But you really have been, you've been someone who, like you do just allow me to talk. Mm-hmm. and that's the biggest help. And just being here. People that literally don't catch social cues. Kudos to them. Yeah. They just keep talking. But some people like you and I can tell when someone is like sick of hearing us talk or they're like, they'd be sick of us talking Sick of us. Yeah. Like, like, oh, like they clearly aren't listening so I'm gonna shut up. Yeah, just making sure that you're actively listening and that you don't look like you're irritated or whatever, or kindly just tell them like, it's a bit much right now. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Like, I'm also going through something. Yeah. Or, and I feel like I've tried to make. Really clear with you. Yeah. Like, hey, if you're going through something, like please tell me one, I want my mind off of whatever I can. Yeah. And two, like I wanna show the, like whatever. Cuz really in the beginning, like whatever little I have left, I would love to be able to give it to Yeah. My friends and my family, you know? So I'm like, please tell me. Well, I think you, I think you've done a good job of that because I've told you things that I've had going on and you know, But yeah, just you guys let it be about them for a minute. It's okay. I love that. Yeah, because yeah, I feel like it's, it's never actually going to be equal probably, right? I mean, maybe there's like a couple months out of the year, but one person is gonna be going through some shit. Something. Yeah, there's something. So I feel like. Just allowing that person to, whether it's big or small. Yeah. But even if it's small, but it's big to them. Yeah. You know? Mm-hmm. then let them go through it. Yeah. So I love that. I feel like with um, just a long-term breakup or divorce. Mm-hmm. there's a lot of advice out there. I was actually talking to my therapist about this and she was like, there's so much advice out there that's kind of a band-aid. Um, because I was telling her I was, I was telling her this yesterday. I was just like, it's so annoying because on one hand I know that's gonna take me time to heal. Yeah. But on the other hand, I get so mad at myself because I'm like, Katie, you are. attention to someone who one is probably not giving you any attention in their heads. Yeah. You know what I mean? And two, like, doesn't care about you anymore. So I get so mad at myself and she's like, just reword that too. You are giving that time and attention to yourself. Yeah. Even if you cry over them, even if you write in your journal about them. Exactly. You're still giving you that time. Yeah. You're not giving, it's not. Mm-hmm. like you're giving someone. your time of day. Yeah. That doesn't deserve it. Yeah. She like if you were to help you further your process Yeah. Your healing process. She was like, if you were like calling or texting him Yeah. Or you were stalking to social media's, then you're giving them time and energy. Exactly. Um, but I feel like for me, biggest things that have helped, because I would say I have a very different perspective, even just. when did we do that podcast? Three months ago. Yeah. Um, and I feel like I am so much further along. I did break no contact this past week, but I had to get the rest of my things that was necessary, that was necessary. I had to get my stuff. Yeah. Um, that's my number one though. Just like that was your number one, like no contact, because that truly does heal. It's so hard. Like it's so hard. But I would say after first two weeks mm-hmm. maybe the first. You're just, you're not like, really like, because in the first month I probably was, anytime I got a text it was like, oh, is it him? Well, it's like a habit, you know, that you have to break. Yeah. Two, so Oh, a hundred percent. That's a good way of looking at it. It's the same. Yeah. I, that's it's, yeah, I was, it's like a lot of it. Habitual. Mm-hmm. And then when you break, you're like breaking so many habits. Especially when you're like, and that's the thing too, I will say, like, obviously I've never been through divorce, but Oh my gosh, yeah. There's such a. like to me, just from being like right there with you mm-hmm. through everything thus far. Yeah. Um, I'm like, this is a different level of Yeah. Heartbreak, a breakup, whatever, like you're mm-hmm. divorced. Yeah. And the conversations you're having to have are, are different versus like just a regular breakup. So different. And I feel, would it be different if y'all were just living together and you were just boyfriend and girlfriend? Yeah. Like even that is different. Yeah. So, and I feel like. So my therapist was talking about that yesterday too because she was like, there's different levels. She was like, once you put that D word out there, it's a different level than if you were just boyfriend, girlfriend. And also like, yes, if someone were to get cheated on, like that's a different level. And she was talking about like kind of all the different levels, which I like to hear because I did downplay it a lot in the beginning. You did like, I was like, oh, it's just a long-term breakup. And it's like, no. Do you remember what you, it's a divorce. You said to me when you first told me you guys were, No. Or getting divorced was I just like, oh, it feels like a breakup. No, you said, Hey, friend. In one message sent that I had checked my phone, I was texting you back. Second message comes like two seconds later. Um, we're getting divorced. And I'm like, then I'm like back spacing said, back backspacing my message to change it. Like what? And then you say, and I'm okay with a heart. With a heart. That's all you said. Oh, yikes. I was like, this was not doing okay. No. Well, and then whenever I saw you in person, I started sobbing That's why. And I was like, you're like, so is she okay or is she not? I was so confused. I was like, I don't know. What's happening. And then once I sat down and talked to you, your like polarizing feelings made so much sense. I was like, okay, yeah, well this makes sense why she's kind of all over the place right now. I think you're in shock in that moment. And also I was, I talked a lot to my therapist yesterday, but I, cuz she was like, you're doing really well. And I was like, really? Like, be honest with me. She was like, yeah. She was like, I think you're on more of like an even playing field now. Yeah. She was like, there was a moment. You were so go, go, go. Yeah. Because you kinda have to be after divorce. Mm-hmm. or even a long-term breakup. Yeah. I'm not comparing the two anymore, but if you're living with someone, there's a lot of like things you have to consider. Like where am I gonna live now? How am I gonna move? Do I have animals I have to take you? Like immediately jumped into action. You have to. There was so much you have to, and so that's what my therapist was like. We're so go, go, go. And then you finally moved, you got settled a little bit and then you kind of tanked a little. Yeah. And then she was like, and now I feel like you're kind of at an even. Playing field a little bit. I compete with that. Yeah. And so I was like, okay. And she was like, and now you just ride the waves like up and down. Yes. Like if there's enough day, great. There's down day. Great. And you have to let yourself ride the waves. I also have some more advice for friends of, oh, beautiful. The heartbroken and the divorced baby girls out there. We hope not too many of you, not too many of you, but I do have two things. let them ride the rollercoaster. It's a big one. It's okay. It's a big one. And also do not judge them for the way that they're going about their healing process. Yeah. People do not handle things like that. Mm-hmm. the same. Yep. You and I don't handle things the same. Nope. You, through all of this, have leaned on your people, like your family, your friends, me, like. I need a lot of just like time by myself. Um, but I also need people that are not gonna sit there and let me just rot Yeah. In my space, because I absolutely will. Yeah. So I need like, that, I need to be able to process by myself still though. Mm-hmm. So those are, those are the two things I wanna add to that, because I think we, I love that we fo we are too focused on ourselves and we're like, well, if I was her, like I'd be doing this. Okay. But yeah, that's the key thing is like, you're not her though. Yeah. So yeah, they kind of think like, oh, well they, they should be doing this. Yeah. And it's like, well, why, why? And why? Like, like, you should be going out right now instead of sitting on couch. No. Yeah. If she wants to sit and like watch her comfort show and like Yeah. Do whatever. Let them do that. Yeah. Or if they wanna go out and you wanna go out with them, then do it. But don't feel like if you put yourself in a position, if you don't want to. Exactly. But if you wanna go out, go out with them. But don't force them one way or the other. Don't be like, you should be going out. We should be getting you, you know, you should be, um, like getting over him with somebody else. It's like, no, everyone feels differently. Yeah, exactly. Like there's no one way. Mm-hmm. And that's something I'm noticing too. I could be in the waves with some, like I could be in my own grief journey and you could be in your grief journey. Yeah. But they could feel like two completely different journeys. Yeah, they look very different. Yes. And so that's something that has helped, but not helped. But I mean, honestly, I will say besides friends and family, like leaning on like TikTok support. Yeah. I don't know why, but TikTok has been like my number one favorite platform now. Yeah. And I just feel. I see so many on my for you page going through it too. And that house, well, I think he went out on a limb to share. Yeah. And you got, you got it back in like tenfold, like people really connected with it. Yeah. Um, so even people that are still married, like still like going through stuff. Mm-hmm. so. I don't know. I think that also something, obviously therapy helps a ton leaning on your friends and family, but I also think like, and I think a lot of people say this and you kind of roll your eyes, but like truly doing things alone. Yeah. Like I went to the movies by myself a month ago by like alone, or a couple weeks ago. Yeah. However long ago that was. It's so like scary at first and then you do it and you're like, wait, like I actually wanna go back now. Yeah. To a movie by myself. Yeah. And so I'm like, I think doing things that you're uncomfortable pushes you. And I also did hear this advice on TikTok actually. It was like, um, if you are going through something, sign up for like a challenge, like a 5k. The marathon or something. Just kinda like crazy. Yeah. Because it forces you one to focus on something different and two, it forces you to like tell yourself, okay, I can do this. Yeah. Like it kind of reinforces that you can do it. That's interesting. Yeah. I know. I like that. And so I kind of love that. But I think baby steps too. Like you have to do it. Yeah. So slow. Yeah. I think too, things that have helped me specifically the Jay Shetty podcast has been massive for me. Yeah. I just started listening to the Mel Robbins podcast and that's really good too. She has like, I don't know if she's a psychologist, but, um, have you heard of like the 5 4 3 21 method? Um, or the High Five Method? I feel like I've heard of High Five Method. Okay. I'm not, I think that when you just like look at yourself in the mirror and give yourself a high five, but, oh yeah. Mel Robbins kind of coined this. term where if you don't wanna do something, you count down from five and then you immediately do it like 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, get up out of bed. Uhhuh. Or like 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Okay, I'm going to the gym. Yeah. And I mean, that's really simple, right? But she made a whole book about it. Yeah. So it's like, I think she studied psychology for however many years. And so I really like her podcast too. I would say those two though, like Jay Shetty just has amazing people on that are like psychologists or doctors or whatever it may be, that have helped a lot about, um, trauma and healing. There's one guy called Dr. Gabe Met I don't know how to say his name, but he's somebody who like has really studied trauma. Yeah. And that helped a lot. But I would say that that podcast. These are like very like traditional, but non-traditional. But like going outside and getting sun and listening to a podcast has been like some of my favorite time by myself. Yeah. I love nothing more than doing that Uhhuh Like when I'm at my parents' house, I take like three walks a day because I'm just like, this is so, this is like my me time. Yeah. Um, obviously working out, working out is a huge one. Yeah. And, and doing something, you know. like, go try a new workout class or go do something that you can make friends in. Yeah. I think something that I'm really wanting to do this year is kind of finding a community of maybe like single women that I can go do things with or I can relate to. Yeah. In, um, I would love to. You know what I really wanna do? I really wanna start a, um, small group for women. Mm-hmm. um, that have like been through breakups or divorce recently. Yeah. Because I feel like I wish I had that. Yeah. You know? Yeah. So something like that. But I feel like yeah, finding community, leaning into community, listening to good, like motivational podcasts. and going to therapy, journaling, meditating, those kinds of things. Huge. I really think too, like making sure that you're doing the things that like you either haven't done in a while that you know you love. Yeah. Or like, think about how it was before you were with this person, like you mm-hmm. you were alone once. What was it that you liked to do? Mm-hmm. Because after a while, um, anyone that's been in a long-term relationship will tell you. they're lying. You, the person you're with, like their mannerisms and the things they do Yeah. Kind of starts to rub off on you and vice versa, I think. Yeah, a hundred percent. Um, and so there is a part of you that you should hold onto and still, you know, do the things that you love. Yeah. To do a hundred percent love that. And finding that again is also very important. Yeah. So I think too, Going off of that. Mm-hmm. pursuing passion projects that maybe you haven't had time to do, like the podcast. Like that was one of'em that it just never aligned. Yeah. And now I'm like, what? I got more free time now than ever. So yeah. Like, let's, and we did it. Yeah. Like let's go for it. And so pursuing either Yeah. A hobby that you haven't done in a long time or, or just trying to figure it out by like trying the new things that you were talking about. Yeah. When people don't have hobbies. Well, literally when people were like, now you get to do whatever you want, and. I don't know what I want. Like I don't know what I wanna do. Like you like, you're like freaking out. Like, what do you mean? I don't know. That's the advice people gave me in the beginning, like, well now you get to do whatever you want. And in the beginning you don't know what you want. Yeah. And so like, don't make yourself, don't force yourself to figure it out. Yeah. Like take the time, feel the feelings, and then go from there. But I would say, Now I can like tell you what I like to do. Yeah. And what I enjoy doing. Yeah. But back then I was like, uh, I don't even know what I like to do. Yeah. And yeah, I think I would not wish. I would not wish divorce on my worst enemy. It really is a real, or even just like really bad heartbreak. Oh, I wouldn't wish that feeling either. Like physically worst, feeling like worst feeling like, oh my gosh, like this is what it feels like to be heartbroken is, yeah, it sucks. It's the worst feeling ever. It is a very hard feeling. Mm-hmm. to, to get past, which is why like, like I said, I will always believe that the first one is the hardest and it's the most important. To get over. Do you wanna hear something though that offers a different perspective of that? What? There's a theory called the three theory. Have you heard of it? Well, yeah. You kind of said something to me about it. We were on our way to Dallas. Yeah. So like the first person is like, you know, the kind of childhood. Mm-hmm. like crush or whatever it is. It's like you kind, you're at your first heartbreak. Yeah. The second one though is the one that like wrecks you. Mm-hmm. And the third one is like your soulmate. And I've been through two now, so let's go. It's time to buy my soulmate. Yeah. So yeah, and the weird thing too is this is kind of going back, but now that I haven't been no contact, I was no contact for four months with my ex. And now that I had to talk to him, get my stuff, I mean, this past week and a half was hell yeah. Like I hated every second. I hated like literally my whole body would like shoot up with anxiety when I saw his name on my phone and I'm like, that one is crazy. that was the person I was married to, and two, I didn't realize how much peace I had by doing no contact. Like you think, no con, no contact is really hard in the beginning. Very, very hard. But once you get to a point where, I don't know, you don't realize how much peace it's giving you until you get wrapped up in the cycle again of like talking to them like, wow, I don't ever wanna feel like this. Yeah. I was like, please get me back to no confidence. Yes, yes. Like please. Because yeah, that was. Difficult. But yeah, that's kind of my advice. I feel like. What questions do you have for me? Oh, that was the question. That was it. Yeah. That was a good question to ask. Really. I thought about that the other time. I was like, oh, I'm gonna crush that question I know. I thought about it the other day as I was driving and I was like, I have to ask her this So I felt like I was just like, you know, I really want to hear your opinion. Uhhuh, And you're very logical too. I'm super emotional and I think that's why I've tried. I've had to, I have to work on that. That's why like whenever, but that's why you wanna be alone. Question. That's why whenever you get your feelings, do you wanna be alone? It is better for me. I wanna talk to just keep my mouth shut. Yeah. And think about what I'm about to say because first of all, My initial, like what I wanna say might come off wrong or be like intense or it's like, oh my gosh, like stop it. You don't really feel that strongly about it, do you? And I have to really think about it. Yeah. I used to not be that way, but it's something I've tried to change about myself is that's something that I, optional side, just like I, it's there. Absolutely. It's there. I'm very emotional but. but I'm talking about these situations and like talking to a friend. Mm-hmm. outside of myself. I'm like, okay, wait, like we're not talking about like you let's Yeah. Really think about, I don't know. I feel like you're still very logical even when it comes to yourself. That's so interesting. I feel like you see me so different I do than like a lot of people. And I love that because you have such differing opinions about like, Me and Steph. Really? Because if you really, there was, I feel like yes, because I feel like if you had like another one of my friends here, they'd be like, she's so emotional. Like what are you talking about? I don't look at you like that. I look at you as very like sound minded, like I'm like, that is a really good person to ask advice. Like Yeah. You are kind of the go-to gal to be like, okay, should I do this or no? Yeah. You know, like, I trust you. Not what appreciate with relationship stuff, but like life advice. Like, I'm like, what do you think? Yeah, because. I think you have really good Yes. Sound advice. And maybe though it's because I am like an 11 out of 10 on the emotional scale Yeah, you are. I would say, yeah. I'd say you're probably more emotional than me. I think I'm a hundred, I think I'm the most emotional person. Ever so different though? Like the, like I literally cried. I'm screaming, crying yesterday. No, me screaming, crying, throwing up in the corner. The car like yesterday, like I cried. I haven't cried in front you like that before? I don't think. Yeah, Lauren honestly shook me. She got mad for me. Well, were they mad tears or do you think they were sad tears? It was sad. Yeah. Really? Because I was just crying. It was after I got my stuff from my ex and I was crying. She was crying. Well, cuz she had cried. We were there and I was just like, okay, I'm gonna. Let them talk. Well, I'm talking We didn't even know. We didn't even know what was happening. We didn't, we didn't know he was gonna be there. I didn't know what that, I was gonna talk. You're shaking, I'm shaking, crying. I'm talking about work pissing me off. It was a lot happening at once and then like it's a lot. I'm happy you did that though. And like got me think like not to think about my stuff. Yeah. And so that was just a lot. But just sitting there and like driving off and I'm like, she's not okay. And just knowing how it went. I was just like, so. Sad. Yeah. About it. Cause I'm like, I cannot believe that this is like what's happened, really? What's happening. Cause I told you before it was very hard for me to process. Yeah. Because I just didn't see him being like, like saying me didn't things in, didn't him being like that. Yeah. Yeah. And like you didn't see him that way. Like I hadn't seen him at all. Mm-hmm. up until Same then and I was just like, Wow. I didn't say a word. Because I would say like he was like a friend. Like he was. I was really, I really liked him. and so it felt like a slap in the face to me too. I'm like, wow. Yeah. Like I really thought you were gonna take care of my friend and you didn't do that. And now here we are. And I know she's gonna be upset when she gets back in this car and I'm pissed. And when I saw you start to cry again, I was just like, in the car. Yeah, bro. Like I, that, that empath in me came out and I was just like, it did. Yeah. I couldn't really tell. It was hard for me. I felt like I cried honestly for like two hours after that. And then I was just like, okay, because of some of the things that were said. it really makes you feel like you're the bad guy. Yeah. When, when it's a two-way street. Mm-hmm. I said a lot of things that I regret now that I wish I could have played. I wish I could have been a lot more logical back then and a lot more cool head. Like I was very hotheaded. Yeah. So I said a lot of things that I regret and I. Well, I don't know this, but I hope that he regrets what he said. Yeah. Um, and so that's why I try not to bash because I'm like, honestly, he could say the things that I said too that I'm not proud of. Yeah. You know what I mean? And so it is a two-way street. Mm-hmm. but just, you know, the things that were said yesterday, I was like, man, like that really makes me feel like such a like horrible monster right now when like, I don't Well, okay, going back to it, I think the frustrating part was, I have tried to grow so much in the last four months and I've like tried to put my best foot forward every single day, you know, listening to these podcasts and like, how can I be growing? How can I be maturing and trying to take the focus off of him, but more so on myself. Mm-hmm. And so kind of hearing those things from him, it's like, damn, like you don't know how much work I've put in the last four months. Mm-hmm. to be a better person because I do regret some of the stuff I said. I think it's hard though. I'm sure that honestly, anyone who's gotten divorced, unless you're. Literally don't give a shit about the other person anymore. Well, even then, I don't know, but I think anyone who's gotten divorced probably said things that they don't mean. Yeah. Because it's such an emotional, I mean, you really put that ring on the finger. You think you're gonna be with that person for the whole, your whole life. Mm-hmm. And so, you know, I think that that's why I try, I mean, I think that that's why I don't wanna say anything ever. First of all, I was with that person, but also I said things too. Mm-hmm. And you're so mat mature. I'm so matua. You really are. Thank you friend. I think that that's why I cried though so much last night. Cause it was like, man, I have tried so hard to be a better person. Yeah. And like, honestly, I feel like I've much more of a shell around me. Like I don't feel. I, I'm definitely emotional. Let's not get that twisted. But talking to him yesterday, I was like, I feel like I'm being so much more amicable about this. I just sat there and talked and like, you know, cried a little bit. But I don't think that makes me weak and I don't think asking the questions I asked him yesterday makes me weak either. No, it doesn't. I think in, in like a positive. way. The, the thing that I've thought about that I'm like, you know, I'm glad that he was there and that you weren't afraid to ask the questions that you did. Mm-hmm. because you somewhat got some closure. I did. And I, and it's not owed to us. Yeah. And that's the hardest thing too, that I had to learn was like, Everyone doesn't get closure. Um, and which sucks. It's not part of the process. You don't have to have it to move on. Mm-hmm. But the fact that you were able to even get that, I'm like, yeah, good for her. Well, and I think too, looking at him and just being like, I am not in love with you anymore. Yeah. Like, I have love for you and I have care for you. Yeah. And I think that's another reason why I don't bash is because I do still care for him. But it's like I do still care for him and so I, but I'm not in love with him anymore. Yeah. Which was honestly great closure. Yeah. I do think though, something that, I'm gonna say something as a friend, not to say to somebody else. Mm-hmm. like who's going through it. just because though, cuz this reminds me, like when people tell me, well like just be glad, like especially in the beginning you can, people can say it to me now and honestly people can say it to me in the beginning too, but it's just not helpful is when you do say things like that to people. Like, well just be glad you didn't have a kid. Oh yeah. Well just be glad I was a short marriage. Well just be glad you're so young. And it's like, okay, great. Love to hear it. I'm super glad. Obviously I'm thankful I didn't have a kid with him. Like yeah, obviously thankful I figured it out now and not when I'm 30 or 35, but those things are so, it's very dismissive to say that it is and it's so unhelpful in the beginning. Like now I can hear it and just be like, oh my gosh, you're so right. Yeah. But like in the beginning I would say that thing still. Yeah. But inside I'd be like, that literally is the least helpful thing you could tell me Well cuz like you, you also were just. feeling embarrassed about it. Yeah. And like there's not even like a bunch of women, anyone don't be embarrassed like walking around my age that are divorced. Like what? This is not for this. I knew nobody. But now from TikTok and even just hearing about, yeah, maybe like your friends or my, or friends of friends or whoever, I'm like, okay, wait. This is a lot more common than especially than. Not even the age, but people being married only a year. That's really common for some reason. Mm-hmm. and I don't know, my therapist and I were talking about it. I don't know if it's because like the facade of who they are finally kind of wears off or what, but it's so crazy to me because I still am like, I can't believe that Corey and I like once we're married that our relationship would change. Like, I don't even know. I can't, for some reason, I struggle to process that. I'm like, okay, how? Don't think like what? I don't think it does change. I don't so think, I think that it doesn't have to change. Yeah. And I don't think that, I just hear so many people say it's gonna change and like kind of like fear, like Like making you feel fear. Yeah. It's all fear-based. I think change that living together full-time will be different. Yeah, but who knows if you would do that when you got engaged or if you would wait until marriage. You know what I mean? Yeah. I at least want a ring on my finger. I hope he hears this. Corey, like I don't tell him like all the sudden Well let her live with me for a year and then put a ring on her finger because he knows, well, you still put a ring on her finger, but yeah, she has to live with me. Yeah. For a year. Yeah. I definitely want a ring on my finger before we do. I just, I don't know. I would do that next time too. I don't think I would move in with a boyfriend. And I think that was hard too because I was thinking about this the other day and I was like, I don't even remember what it's like to first meet and like date someone, because I've never really had a, that experience. So I don't even really know what it feels like to date people or to like go on multiple dates or to like, and just date around and like talking to multiple guys. I know that. I mean, I will say one of the best feelings, obviously, like I love my mans and this is just what my single self loved. So yeah, don't take this the wrong way. Don't get it twisted you guys. Yeah. But. I used to love waking up and have like 12 different guys telling me how beautiful I was like, hello. I love this. I love that. But you can kind of go at it from like a detached. Yeah, and I can't, I'm a very attached person. You take it like, well, I mean, when you're like having conversations with these people and it's not really going anywhere and it's obvious. It's for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. That's right. Attention is nice. It's okay. Yeah, like, so that, that's kind of what, what I can't wait for for you is for you to be like comfortable doing that. I know, I think we're not there yet, but No, not there yet. But I do think, you know, later on in the year, maybe. I think, you know, give it, I'm gonna have hot girl summer. If you're single for a year, I'm gonna be so proud of you. I know you're, you already told me I you're gonna be shook. I mean, it's been four months already. That's only eight more months. Yeah. And the four months flew And see, see that's what happens when you are just so laser focused. Yep. On just handling your business. Yeah. That is literally like, I can't believe it's already been four months things. First of all, it feels like it's been a year. Yeah. And then the other half feels like, A week ago. It does kind of feel like that actually. Yeah, I agree. That's like both that it's been like a year. I'm like, wow, I think I had, I feel like I've quit my corporate job around that time. Like I didn't even have the job I have now. I. Like when I first told you about my divorce, you had your old job. Yep. And we hadn't even talked about. No, no. We hadn't really been like, okay, we're starting the pod. No. Either. Crazy. And we'd hung out, I think. Me telling you about my divorce, us getting dinner was only like the second time we had seen each other that year. That year. Yeah. Which is insane. Cause we've been really good weekly. Yeah. And we had made an appoint, we were doing pretty well, like getting dinner at least once a month, whatever. But Uhhuh we were both kind of like, once we had like sat down and talked and you were like, actually I've been really depressed. And I'm like, dude, I didn't know that. And I'm like, actually, my job is like, you're like really hard. I've been depressed. And I was like, I'm, I've been depressed. Yeah. And then we both were like, and I think that was hard too. Living so far away from everybody. Yeah. Not being able to change too. Yeah. That's something that changed for me is like you weren't in the city anymore. Yeah. I was not a city. Gu Gu, and I'm, yeah, I'm like, need to be in the city. You're such a city girl. It's crazy. I am. And everybody, all my friends and even one of my other friends tells me, she's like, isn't it funny, not funny, but kind of ironic that you were so nervous to move. You were. And I even, I even remember telling my ex like, I hope this doesn't change anything. Yeah. Well, it changed everything. I remember how, how an anxious you were about it. And you're a very expressive person, so if you're excited Yeah. I mean, you're not gonna stop talking about it. It, you're gonna, you're like all about it and you were just so like, ugh. Like, I don't know. Yeah. And I can remember being like, listen, like. that's their house. Like I didn't wanna say anything to you that would make you be like, I don't know, like if we should do this, whatever. Um, but I remember thinking for sure, like, she's such a city girl. Yeah. This is so weird. I don't know. Friend, you're doing ao. Okay. Thank you friend. Thanks for being here for me. Thank you for all that. You, of course you've done, of course. I mean, everything that I've asked of you, you're like, let's do it. Okay, let's go. Yeah, we're doing it. You're my best friend and I love you. I love you too. Okay. That's the only time we get emotional. Me and Lauren only hug like one time a year. I know. I'm so not like it's, it's funny cuz I feel like I am a touchy feely person. Well, I don't know either. Not with you, Oh, you not with me. I don't know though. I. I don't know. I guess I'm not really a touchy feeler. I don't feel like you, I don't feel like I am. Yeah. No. I'm kind of like, all right, bye. I know. I'm like, I'm like, okay, I'm here. I'm feeling it. Okay. That's a lot. Okay. Yeah, it's like after a second I'm like, my nerve nerve starts to stand on end. Like all of them. Your nerves Sometimes. Yes. I'm just like, oh yes. Like a lot. Freaking out. Yeah. Okay. Well we hope this episode was helpful. I think it was a good, gave you a good solid one. Gave us a good solid episode. Hopefully it gave you guys some good advice of what you, of course I did to give great advice, room unsolicited, but we still give amazing advice. Yeah. Um, okay, well, we'll be back next week in your ears and we will talk to you then. Bye. Cry babies. Bye.